Fear!

"Fear is God's way of saying - pay attention, this could be fun"

I take that quote from Craig Ferguson's autobiograph, American on Purpose. Along with the quote "Between safety and adventure, I choose adventure"

I'm definitely afraid.

I think i might have to be a little bit crazy too. I'm 37. I'm not an actress nor do I have any real burning creative talent. Instead, I love TV and movies. It is my one love, aside from books, that gets me excited. I've just recently learned of all the happenings behind the scenes. Or at least that world became accessible to me for the first time. I am capitivated by it.

I watch True Blood and I want to know how the actors learn to talk with fake fangs. I watch Supernatural and want to know more about how Ben Edlund comes up with story ideas. I meet actors like Corin Nemec and JR Bourne and I'm intensely interested in how their life, their creative drive moves them from day to day.

This world is very different from my own.

There's nothing wrong with my life on the surface. I have a large family. I am single but a lot of people are. I've been married. I've had lots of jobs though most of them all in the same field, Technology, particularly technical support. I like my jobs though I do tend to get bored after awhile. I like my life too except I get bored.

What doesn't bore me, lately, is going to conventions and immersing myself in this world of entertainment. Meeting other fans, meeting actors, meeting directors and basically meeting other people for whom that world is fascinating. They seem to think differently than people in my everyday life.

Though the part that fascinates me the most isn't meeting the 'stars' of the shows. It is meeting actors whose lives revolve around a creative process that to me is very exciting.

So I've taken all this energy and bundled it up into an idea. I should move to LA to be closer to the action. Maybe there is some other job that my techincal support career can lend itself to that would bring out a bit more creativity. Perhaps just being in that environment would add some needed excitement to my life so I wouldn't get so damn bored!

I'll be leaving my family behind though when my mom retires she could easily come live with me. When my life stabilizes, I'll bring my dog. I'm not sure I'll have a car. I will probably need to move before I have a job.

So here begins the adventure. Definitely not safe at all.